Everybody has a darkish aspect, proper? All of us have moments the place we’re not at our greatest attributable to stress, exhaustion, or immaturity. However what occurs after we’re at our absolute worst? In the present day that’s what we’re going to discover. Every of the 9 Enneagram varieties can descend into unhealthy conduct when they’re utilizing unhealthy coping mechanisms and going to excessive lengths to keep away from their core worry. In the present day we’re going to take a look at how these varieties present up at their worst and provides some pointers for transferring previous this stage.
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The Darkish Aspect of Every Enneagram Sort
Enneagram Ones have a driving want to be good and to have integrity. These are varieties that may push themselves to the brink of exhaustion merely to do what they consider is correct. At their finest, they’re sensible, beneficiant, and uplifting. Tolerance is a trademark trait of the wholesome One. They know that no person is ideal, however they create out the most effective in individuals just by being current. Their pure integrity evokes others to dwell with extra intention and objective.
The Enneagram One Darkish Aspect:
When Ones are unhealthy or immature they’ll present a darkish aspect that’s removed from the noble, smart aspect that exhibits up when they’re wholesome. Unhealthy Ones worry that they’re realizing their worst worry: that they’re certainly changing into corrupted or “evil.” They attempt to management their impulses, justify themselves, or rid themselves of anybody or something who makes them conscious of their corruption. Their inside turmoil exhibits up in an obsessive, controlling nature. If they’ll management every part outdoors themselves then maybe they’ll idiot themselves into believing they’re actually okay.
Unhealthy Ones are illiberal to others and closed-minded to anybody who exhibits a unique worth system from their very own. Black-and-white, absolutist pondering is a trademark of the unhealthy One. They’ll by no means be unsuitable, even when given objectively verifiable information. While you’re round these Ones you are feeling like you might be strolling on eggshells for worry of triggering their condemnation. Just like the priest in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, these Ones are fast to evaluate and condemn what’s completely different from themselves whereas secretly harboring ideas which can be removed from pure or righteous.
The unhealthy One is a deeply conflicted and tormented particular person. They battle with obsessive ideas which can be corrupt or evil. The extra they attempt to silence these ideas, the extra they appear to flare up uncontrollably. The extra they repress their emotions and impulses, the more serious they turn into twisted and distorted. Because of this, Ones expend large power merely attempting to place a lid on these ideas; to concentrate on one thing else. They could obsessively clear, management their meals consumption, price range their cash, or in any other case attempt to arrange and handle their setting to allow them to really feel a component of management.
The Enneagram One darkish aspect could be a highly effective and overwhelming drive, however with the fitting assist this Enneatype can be taught to seek out steadiness and peace of thoughts. By understanding their want for perfection, their worry of being seen as corrupt, and their inside battle between these two contradictory forces, they’ll uncover the noble and sensible Enneagram One inside. When you really feel like you might be at this sort of a darkish and unhealthy place, I’d advocate speaking to a psychological well being skilled who can assist you type out the roots of those points. When you’d like to seek out extra ideas for regaining equilibrium, you possibly can scroll to the underside of my article on the struggles of the Enneagram One to seek out some ideas.
Enneagram Twos have a driving want to be cherished for who they really are. Deep down, they’re afraid that no matter they do won’t ever be sufficient to really deserve and achieve love; that they’re unworthy of being cherished. At their finest, Twos love unconditionally with out anticipating something in return. Their pleasure and generosity spark emotions of heat and acceptance in these round them. They’ve the capability to be deeply compassionate and understanding, usually selflessly placing others first.
The Enneagram Two Darkish Aspect:
When Twos are unhealthy or immature they’ll present a darkish aspect that’s removed from the loving, beneficiant aspect that exhibits up when they’re wholesome. Unhealthy Twos give so as to get. They attempt to achieve love by means of manipulation slightly than by means of authentically beneficiant acts. This Two is a grasp within the artwork of the “guilt journey”; doing small favors for others, then performing shocked and damage when others don’t present ample appreciation.
“They’ll play others like an orchestra, upping the extent of guilt right into a disturbing crescendo or dampening it right down to a whisper, as wanted. They play individuals towards one another, and worse, they can play others towards themselves…by casting others into self-doubt and making them really feel responsible and confused, unhealthy Twos throw others off the scent of their very own manipulations.” – Don Richard Riso with Russ Hudson, Persona Varieties: Utilizing the Enneagram for Self-Discovery
Enneagram Twos turn into overly depending on others and search to manage these round them, convincing themselves that they do no matter they do out of affection and care. Unhealthy Enneagram Twos could also be vulnerable to drama and disaster, seeing their very own issues as the one actual ones on the planet. They’re consultants at making themselves the focal point whereas taking part in the position of martyr so as to achieve love. Usually they really feel victimized by others; taken benefit of or used. And, the truth is, they could have been taken benefit of by others, notably of their pasts. However the unhealthy Two is fast to see themselves the sufferer when others merely aren’t offering sufficient “love” to fill the bottomless gap of longing they’ve within them. These Twos really feel entitled to the love and subservience of others, as a result of they really feel that they’ve earned it by means of “selfless” acts. This Two might not have even executed a lot to assist another person, however at their core they really feel a proper to be taken care of, and count on others to do the heavy lifting.
Twos don’t begin off on this unhealthy state, nonetheless. Often they arrive right here by being damage and brought benefit of, notably in childhood, to some extent the place they now not know what actual love is they usually’re bored with giving to others, as a result of it hasn’t labored out so nicely for them previously.
Whereas the Enneagram Two darkish aspect could also be laborious to take a look at, it doesn’t imply that each one Enneagram Twos are doomed to dwell in a state of unhealthy darkness. In actual fact, with consciousness and trustworthy reflection, Enneagram Twos can start to see the patterns of their conduct that now not serve them, in addition to any false core perception techniques they could have adopted. From there, Enneagram Twos can start a course of of private progress and transformation that permits them to seek out real love for themselves and others. With the fitting assist, Enneagram Twos can rediscover their spark of generosity and compassion, which is able to permit them to expertise actual love that’s unconditional and true.
I’d encourage anybody who pertains to this description of the Enneagram Two to hunt out assist within the type of psychological well being professionals or private progress coaches. By the assistance of others, Enneagram Twos can be taught to inform the distinction between wholesome giving pushed by real love and unhealthy giving pushed by a necessity for approval.
When you really feel that you’re headed into an unhealthy place, it’s also possible to take a look at my article concerning the 7 struggles of the Enneagram Two. There are ideas in that article for getting again to a constructive state of mind.
At their finest, Threes are real and motivating. They’re pushed by a want to enhance the world and persist in far-reaching targets. Diligent and pleasant, they make nice leaders and they’re usually the go-to particular person in the case of getting issues executed. The Three’s core want is to be priceless and worthwhile, however their core worry is that they’re nugatory and will probably be rejected.
The Enneagram Three Darkish Aspect:
As Threes descend into their darkish aspect, they cease trying just like the benevolent, motivating Threes we talked about within the first paragraph. They turn into opportunistic, manipulative, and misleading. Inside they really feel desolate and empty as a result of they’re so out of contact with their emotions and values that they’ll solely discover a “repair” in others’ admiration of them. Any vulnerability or inside wounding they are going to disguise with a masks of false confidence and coolness.
The unhealthy Three is indifferent from their core; they don’t even know who they’re anymore. As a substitute, they are going to do no matter it takes to persuade others that they’re distinctive. However as a substitute of incomes others’ admiration they distort the reality, reduce corners, lie, and even take credit score for others’ work. These Threes will do practically something to seem like successes to others, even when these very issues damage themselves and push them additional into a spot of disconnection and vacancy. This opportunism and dishonesty creates a simultaneous worry that they are going to be “discovered.” Then they are going to understand their largest worry; that they’re, certainly, nugatory and rejected. So long as they’ll hold the facade going, they really feel that they’ll keep away from that worry as a result of others will see them as worthwhile attributable to their competency. They turn into compulsive about mendacity, as a result of they so want to make an impression and to seem excellent. As their inside world turns into extra tormented and afraid, they push to seem calm and competent and charming on the surface. At their very worst, they could benefit from the downfall of others merely to allow them to really feel superior as compared.
Like all of the Enneatypes, unhealthy Threes don’t usually begin out unhealthy. They usually start down this darkish path in childhood, once they really feel a must be particular and distinctive so as to achieve love and approval from dad and mom or caregivers who could also be emotionally absent or laborious to please. Enneagram Threes turn into so used to attempting to please and make an impression that they overlook their true selves within the course of.
The excellent news is Enneagram Threes have large potential for private progress if they’ll acknowledge their unhealthy patterns, which frequently come from core insecurity and emotional disconnection. By private progress, Enneagram Threes can carry extra authenticity again into their lives, be extra related with their very own emotions and values, and be taught that they’re worthwhile even with out grandiose ranges of success. I’d encourage Enneagram Threes to hunt out assist within the type of psychological well being professionals to allow them to start the journey of uncovering their true self and discovering inside peace and calm slightly than vacancy and disgrace. Serving to out of their communities can be an efficient path in the direction of therapeutic. Many Threes discover renewed readability once they assist a trigger that issues to them or discover a group the place they’ll work in the direction of one thing that advantages others.
Discover Out Extra In regards to the Enneagram Three: The Enneagram 3 Little one
At their finest, Enneagram Fours embrace life with an impressed, trustworthy, and intuitive spirit. They’re inventive, delicate, and passionate and are deeply in contact with the human situation. Contentment is a key trait of the wholesome 4, they usually discover pleasure in partaking with the world round them whereas nonetheless sustaining their very own inside sense of self.
The core want of the 4 is to seek out themselves and their significance, whereas their core worry is that they haven’t any identification or private significance.
The Enneagram 4 Darkish Aspect:
As Fours descend into darkness, they turn into overwhelmed with the sensation that they’ve misplaced each alternative to seek out themselves and their very own significance. They turn into overwhelmed by misplaced alternatives and their very own perceived failures. Not solely are they tormented by a way of grief over what they haven’t completed, they’re full of a way of desperation that they by no means will accomplish something significant. Thus, they attempt to reduce off their wishes. They don’t wish to damage anymore, so in the event that they don’t need something, they consider they’ll defend themselves from ache. What outcomes is that each one the life and emotional depth drains out of them they usually really feel fatigued, apathetic, and alienated from everybody round them and even themselves.
The unhealthy 4 usually believes that their issues are worse than everybody else’s and that others have all allow them to down. As a result of they crave uniqueness, at an unhealthy stage, they discover that sense of uniqueness within the depth of their struggling. Their disappointment in themselves intensifies they usually start to hate themselves and see solely their worst inside qualities. They consider they’re unworthy of affection from anybody and turn into obsessive about morbid fantasies. Finally, they really feel rightly rejected by everybody and satisfied that they’re totally and completely faulty.
The excellent news is Enneagram Fours have large potential for private progress and success. It’s extraordinarily troublesome for an unhealthy 4 to see this potential in themselves, but when they’ll take step one and search assist from a therapist, life coach, or trusted information, they’ll start to know that deep down they’re nonetheless worthwhile, worthy, and have unbelievable potential. I’d additionally urge any 4 who’s studying this text to take time to suppose by means of your core values. What issues to you in life? What ethics do you maintain quick to? Discover a couple of issues you are able to do every day to bolster these values. Whether or not which means volunteering for a trigger or creating some easy artwork round these values, discover a technique to get in contact with the issues that matter to you on a soul stage.
Discover Out Extra In regards to the Enneagram 4: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 4 Persona Sort
At their finest, Enneagram Fives are visionary thinkers who steadiness curiosity with playfulness. They like to be taught, however even moreso, they like to invent and create in the true world. Their open-minded, exploratory way of living provides others an analogous want to be taught and experiment.
The core want of the 5 is to be succesful and competent, and the core worry of the 5 is that they’re helpless or incapable.
The Enneagram 5 Darkish Aspect:
Enneagram Fives of their darkish aspect are tormented by doubt and disgust not solely on the world outdoors, however themselves. They really feel that they are going to inevitably fail at something they try and do on the planet and that they are going to by no means discover a place to slot in in society. Moderately than attempting to experiment with concepts and create one thing, they as a substitute concentrate on invalidating others’ concepts. They achieve pleasure from discrediting others, poking enjoyable on the foolishness of the world, and rejecting what others consider. Any attachment to others feels threatening, so Fives at this stage justify their reclusiveness by dropping all religion in humanity or its worth.
Sadly, as Fives retreat additional and additional into the darkness of their very own isolation, they turn into an increasing number of petrified of the world outdoors. They really feel incapable of coping and due to this fact rid themselves of something that will drive engagement or connection to something exterior. Possibly they dwell in a small room, consuming little or no, working as little as potential to satisfy the naked minimal of their bills. They’re tormented by nervousness and turn into disconnected from their our bodies; they really feel as if they’re merely concepts and ideas related to dangling limbs. Many Fives at this stage expertise insomnia as a result of they’re so riddled with fears that some unseen drive will damage them whereas they sleep. They aren’t simply afraid of the world outdoors, they’re afraid of their very own ideas which turn into more and more morbid. Horrific fantasies and concepts play earlier than their minds’ eye in an infinite stream they usually really feel helpless to cease it. To compound issues, they resist any assist from others and reduce themselves off an increasing number of from exterior sources of assist.
This can be very troublesome for Fives at this stage to succeed in out to others for assist, however that is precisely what they need to do. Enneagram Fives have large potential to be joyful and unique, however solely when they’re firmly grounded in what’s actual. Getting skilled assist, getting in contact with nature, and exploring inventive retailers may be nice methods for Enneagram Fives to start out transferring out of the darkness and again into their potential. It could really feel scary and uncomfortable at first, however it’s important. Fives can begin easy, by taking quiet walks in nature or sending a textual content to a trusted good friend. Even a couple of small steps every day will make a distinction. Fives ought to attempt to get into their our bodies, stretching, meditating, or understanding. They need to push themselves to attach with outdoors assist in the event that they’re at this unhealthy stage. A counselor who specializing in coping with nervousness and despair could be a large useful resource.
Discover Out Extra In regards to the Enneagram 5: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 5 Persona Sort
At their finest, Sixes are brave and grounded. They worth loyalty, camaraderie, and compassion for individuals who are handled unfairly on the planet. They take it upon themselves to guard their households and associates from hazard, and are identified to be reliable and pragmatic.
The core worry of the Six is that they’re unable to outlive on their very own or that they’re with out assist. The core want of the Six is to seek out safety, assist, and belonging.
The Enneagram Six Darkish Aspect:
When Sixes start to enter their darkish aspect, they develop more and more skeptical of others. They really feel tormented by doubt that others will betray them. Some Sixes react by testing others, changing into belligerent and passive-aggressive. Others are extra overtly confrontational; defiantly lashing out at individuals they worry will double-cross them. As these assaults and exams on others multiply, they’ve moments of extreme nervousness that they’re turning away all their supporters. Their core worry, to be alone and with out assist, appears to be coming true. They drown in self-disparagement and really feel overwhelmed by insecurity. As their nervousness will increase, they maintain ever tightly to the supporters they nonetheless have of their lives. They turn into clingingly dependent and panicky, terrified that their final threads of assist will break.
As this panic and worry escalates, Sixes consider that every part is a disaster. Their nervousness feels an increasing number of uncontrolled, they usually turn into more and more paranoid. Projection is a every day drawback; and Sixes at this stage will venture all their darkest fears onto others they usually really feel sure that others are out to get them, betray them, or damage them in a roundabout way. This paranoia and worry escalates into rage, and the Six worries that each one their emotions of hate and anger are literally emotions others are harboring in the direction of them. They really feel a ceaseless urge to guard themselves from all of the assaults they’re positive others are about to ship their manner.
The Enneagram Six wants to succeed in out for assist and take decisive motion to interrupt freed from their downward spiral. Reaching out to a counselor or therapist who focuses on Enneagram character varieties or nervousness may be tremendously helpful. Discovering methods to turn into extra grounded can be essential. Taking time to observe deep respiratory, meditation, and prayer can assist Enneagram Sixes to turn into extra centered and conscious of what’s actual. Writing in a journal, studying self-help books, or speaking with trusted associates are additionally nice strategies for gaining steadiness, readability, and perspective.
Discover Out Extra About Enneagram Sixes: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram Six Persona Sort
At their finest, Sevens have a contentment and appreciation with life that many envy. They’re energetic and enthusiastic optimists who worth positivity and search to seek out the great in all issues. Sevens carry pleasure, humor, and fervour wherever they go.
The core want of the Seven is to be happy and content material. The core worry of the Seven is to be trapped or to be in ache or deprivation.
The Enneagram Seven Darkish Aspect:
When Enneagram Sevens start to maneuver into their darkish aspect, they turn into caught in a cycle of craving experiences that can by no means carry them true satisfaction. The act of buying a brand new issues or expertise rapidly turns into an habit, and Enneagram Sevens frantically race to accumulate the following neatest thing so as to fulfill their core want for contentment.
Sevens at this stage turn into obsessive about in search of pleasure and avoiding ache. They keep in movement, always performing on impulse, hoping that in the event that they keep busy they’ll keep away from their very own unhappiness and inside ache. Being alone amplifies their nervousness, so that they strain others to do no matter exercise they’re concerned in. Sadly, at this stage many Sevens get pleasure from less-than-healthy pursuits like binge consuming or extreme partying in pursuit of momentary pleasure.
Sevens at this darkish stage are sometimes extremely reactive and present little to no management of their emotional impulses. They act out, throw issues, burst into tears, insult individuals, throw punches. With a view to rid themselves of no matter disturbing feeling is plaguing them, they act out on no matter they really feel. These Sevens are removed from the joyous, impressed Sevens at a wholesome stage. They’re emotionally immature, depressed, and manic.
As with all the categories, an important factor at this stage is to hunt skilled assist in the type of a counselor or assist group. Enneagram Sevens must also discover methods to observe mindfulness so as to achieve readability. Meditation, prayer, yoga, journaling, or every other exercise that helps them relax is essential. Taking time to be taught one thing new or learn a e-book can be immensely helpful for Enneagram Sevens in want of some perspective.
Discover Out Extra About Enneagram Sevens: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram Seven
At their finest, Eights are protecting and compassionate individuals who encourage braveness in others. Whereas they’ve sturdy, assertive personalities, they aren’t impulsive and reckless. They problem themselves to be honorable and examine their motives in all they do.
The core want of the Enneagram Eight is to guard themselves and have management of their very own life and future. The core worry of this kind is to be harmed or managed by others.
The Enneagram Eight Darkish Aspect:
When Enneagram Eights transfer into their darkish aspect, they turn into domineering and forceful. They turn into obsessive about having energy, and don’t thoughts intimidating or manipulating others so as to achieve it. They provoke and confront individuals, believing that individuals are out to control or management them. Due to their harsh, ruthless nature, they have a tendency to assemble enemies wherever they go. They consider it’s a dog-eat-dog world, they usually wish to be the highest canine who doesn’t rely on anybody. Would possibly is every part, and weak point is despised.
Eights at this stage are sometimes consumed with a must be proper. They don’t perceive that compromise is important in relationships, they usually understand it as an indication of private weak point. Any restrictions or guidelines are supposed to be defied, though they don’t thoughts implementing guidelines on others and tyrannically telling individuals what to do. Sadly, these Eights are sometimes lonely and disliked. As a result of they see indicators of friendliness or gentleness as weak point, they push away individuals who might nurture and assist them. In addition they keep away from being susceptible and open with others, believing they are going to be betrayed or taken benefit of.
Getting assist at this stage appears practically unimaginable for the unhealthy Eight. As with all of the Enneatypes, when they’re this unhealthy, they usually really feel that their weaknesses are requirements for survival. Speaking to a counselor or opening as much as associates feels particularly ridiculous to the unhealthy Eight, as a result of they don’t belief anybody they usually hate the concept of being susceptible. Nevertheless, if you happen to’re an Eight and also you acknowledge these unhealthy traits in your self, I’d urge you to take steps in the direction of therapeutic. Notice that your highly effective character was meant for use to enhance the world, to not dominate it. Search skilled assist or be a part of a assist group to learn to channel your energy in wholesome, constructive methods. Notice that you just deserve friendships and trustworthy relationships with individuals; even when there are some dangers concerned. No threat, no reward, proper? Discover one small factor you are able to do for another person each day, whether or not that be a easy praise or serving to somebody with a sensible job. At your finest, you’ve a magnanimous, highly effective character that may drastically enhance the lives of others (and your self).
Discover Out Extra About Enneagram Eights: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram Eight Sort
At their finest, Enneagram Nines are peaceable, supportive individuals who embrace life with a gradual sense of objective. They care deeply about their family members and attempt to create concord in relationships. Enneagram Nines additionally possess an inside serenity and depth of creativeness that permits them to realize insights that may assist enhance the world.
The core want of Enneagram Nines is to really feel safe and have peace of thoughts. The core worry of this kind is loss or separation.
The Enneagram 9 Darkish Aspect
As Nines descend into darkness, they turn into an increasing number of indifferent from themselves and the world round them. Caught in denial, they refuse to face conflicts or issues and dwell inside their very own illusions. These Nines refuse to do something they don’t wish to do, however additionally they don’t know what they need. They block individuals out, ignoring their duties, relationships, and kids (if they’ve them). Often they are going to erupt into bouts of rage, however they are going to rapidly relax, pretending that nothing occurred.
At this stage of well being, Enneagram Nines turn into addicted to flee and keep away from something that will drive them to cope with actuality. Usually they really feel depressed, confused, and depending on individuals who have extra controlling tendencies. Neglect is a key trait of this kind; if they’re dad and mom, they are going to overlook to take their youngsters and will probably be oblivious to their emotional wants. However their neglectfulness extends to themselves as nicely. They could miss physician’s appointments, skip work, or overlook to choose their youngsters up from faculty. It’s as if this kind is in a fog they’ll’t get out of. Changing into conscious of all of the methods they’ve failed others would solely make them really feel worse, so that they proceed in dissociation. Usually they really feel like life is sort of a unhealthy dream and they’re helpless to interrupt out of it, as a result of actuality is simply too painful to cope with.
Getting assist is feasible however troublesome for Enneagram Nines at this unhealthy stage, since they’re so snug repressing their true emotions and wishes. Nevertheless, the Enneagram 9 can take some steps to start out the therapeutic course of. Begin by recognizing that your feelings exist and you’ve got a proper to really feel them – whether or not it’s disappointment, anger, or disappointment. Begin to turn into conscious of the methods your conduct has damage different individuals and make amends. Discover inventive retailers – categorical your self by means of music, artwork, writing, or something that brings you pleasure. Lastly, hunt down counseling or remedy if it’s obtainable to you. As soon as Enneagram Nines start their therapeutic journey, they’ll reconnect with themselves and the world round them in a robust manner.
Discover Out Extra About Enneagram Nines: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram 9 Sort.
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